Uneven

Something's wrong with me. I'm not sure if its depression, or just pure craziness. I'm a teacher, but I hate children... little ones at least. I have all these degrees, which in all actuality -- amount to nothing because I don't care enough about the discipline to use them.

I can't figure this life out. Some say I have an easy life. Some say... but they don't know my brain. They don't know my tendency to fight with expectations and disappointment and the whirl of not knowing. The whirl of not understanding. The fact that I can't find my place. I can't understand the point of it all.

I'm not a good person. Yes I am... on the outside at least. On the surface... I'm a nice person. I want the best for everyone. On the surface. But underneath, I'm not.

I have all this angst and frustration and anger and more frustration and pure dissatisfaction. I disappoint everyone around me, hell, I even disappoint myself. I don't know what to do to fix it and I have trust issues, so talking to someone is not an option right now...

So I live in misery.