Tuesday, November 21, 2006 -- Funny dudes

Today's a first for me! I never blog on here. Don't really like the format, etc. I use MSN Spaces instead.... But I couldn't resist today - especially after talking to a friend of mine. So here's the chase:

Dudes are funny...

They quote songs, make promises, and say all kinds of stuff to make you 'think' that they're 'different' from the previous guy or the next guy. I often laugh at their gestures. (You should too, you know!)

Here's a quote/lyric used by my last 'boyfriend/dude of the moment.' I'm sure you'll find it as amusing as I do! (The most laughable quotes are in red!)

Enjoy!

Believe by Raheem Devaughn from The Love Experience - (Great CD by the way! I hate it's tainted by ol' boy though... dang it!)

With affection like a dreamer
with patience and understanding
like a teacher with a student, vice versa
promise not to hurt you, not to leave
not to lie, not to cheat, not to fuss
not to stress, like the rest in your past

Believe me I ain't like most men
I ain't like them others
you then dealt with in the past
just have some faith
that is all I ask, believe in me

why go searching, else where looking
when you been hurtin for the real thing
since I'm here before your eyes
lets make love till sunrise

I be something like the rebirth
of love with a twist
it started with a simple kiss
what could be more precious
than the rebirth of love

Believe in me
Believe in me, just try...try
believe in me believe in me believe in me...

Thursday, November 23, 2006 -- Thankful

I'm so thankful - not just today - but everyday.

I'm thankful for my family, our health, our bond (no matter how weird it may be), our trials and our tribulations. I'm thankful for my faith in God, and how he continues to provide me with opportunities to praise him with my life and my love. I'm thankful for peace in the midst of our crazy world. I'm thankful for my students and my friends and my church family. I'm thankful for the people who come into my life for a season or two, and for those who stay for a lifetime. I'm thankful for the gift of love and for talent that I have yet discovered. I'm thankful for my big feet - that they may carry me places that I do not yet know. I'm thankful for the sun and the moon and the stars and the mountains and the plains and the oceans and the seas. I'm thankful for the pine trees of East Texas and the horses that I'm looking at in my back yard right now. I'm thankful for my new little baby cousin and for his health and wholesomeness. I'm thankful for rest and rejuvenation. I'm thankful for the future. I'm thankful for the past. I'm thankful for the present. I'm thankful for this very moment and being able to share it with you...

What are you thankful for?

Friday, November 26, 2006 -- Shopping!

O.K. - so I hate shopping, but something woke me up this morning at 7:15 and said - GO LOOK FOR A TV FOR YOUR BEDROOM YA DORK! So, I'm up - and you all know that I don't do mornings...

So, the plan is to hit up Wallyworld, K-mart and Target'... we'll see what happens. I'm sure I'll have a swell story to share when I return.

Cross your fingers!

So - I do it... I go shopping at like 7:30am on Black Friday...

First off - it wasn't that bad. I got the TV I was looking for. Mom and I found some cheap clothes, that I ended up taking back because of Saturday's ordeal --- but all around Friday was cool. Now Saturday was a different deal... I ended up having to buy NEW TIRES... what the??? That was not cool, but that's O.K. The wait was like 3 hours and I still had to get my oil changed, my inspection sticker, and get my car registered (which did not happen). Then thePanthers lost and are now out of the playoffs... I'm not tooo happy about that, but... I made it back to Dallas in good shape and have had a good week so far --- it's only Monday.

Monday, November 27, 2006 -- Need to sleep, but...

I'm frequently one to ask the question WHY... I prefer that I not be that way, but some things you just can't shake.

I want to know why someone decides to leave out certain information when relaying a message to me. I want to know why people don't follow through with commitments they've made to me. I want to know why people don't feel the need to invest the time, energy, effort, and passion I exhibit when approaching a project/task/relationship. I want to know why people think that I should go with what they say and not have my own opinion. I want to know why some people lie, because I'm sure you had a perfectly good reason to - and if I just knew why you lied, I'm sure I'd accept your lie(s). I want to know why the sun doesn't stay on the other side of the world just a bit longer so that I can dream a little longer... about... well, nevermind. I want to know why people think I need to be protected. Why they think I can't handle the ugly truth. I want to know why there are so many political plots in education. I want to know why the City of Farmers Branch has decided to treat Hispanics like dogs and not like humans - why do they think they're better and should remain unchanged/uneffected. I want to know why people cheat instead of just leaving or really, really trying to work it out... well, unfortunately, I think I know why now... But, still...I want to know why... about what though? Well, you name it... I want to know... why?

Why?

Thursday, October 11, 2007 -- So you think I'm beautiful? I'm not...

First off, this is a not a feel sorry for me blog. This is a midnight post, with midnight feelings. Take it or leave it. It's not here for you to judge.

Since I changed my new profile pic, I've learned alot. You guys (and gals) think it's 'cute,' 'so pretty,' 'beautiful,' 'gorgeous,' and last but not least, 'd**m you're hot!'

But he doesn't. He doesn't even notice me.

I'm just Sharby... and I feel basically the same way. I'm just me. But...

Isn't it nice when someone thinks you're amazing or loves the sound of your voice? Isn't it nice when they can't wait to see you or spend time with you? Isn't it nice when you can be in the same room, doing your own thing, and not have to question if everything is 'cool?' And last but not least, isn't it nice when someone can juggle all the balls that life throws them and still find time to make you feel special?

I don't believe in fairy tale romances, and I'm still standing firm that I don't want that. But I do want him to notice me... the same way he notices the notes, measures, and clefs. I don't want him to have to choose between toodling and me. That's not fair... to either.

There's a book out there called Captivating. I read it once, long ago. It talks about how women long to have their questions answered. The author shares that 'women desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are.' (from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul).

Just in February, I sat before a room full of young women and men and shared that 'singleness' is wonderful. That I wouldn't change where I am for anything, because I love my quiet time and my peace and my space. But now, it's not true. I want to be with him... I don't want things to end. I want... I want... that stupid eternal love --- that stupid, stupid fairy tail crap. With him...

but...

he's...

busy.

I'm reading a new book for my young ladies' bible study. A Jewel in His Crown, by Priscilla Shiver. I hope that it can help bring me back to where I need to be... centered in God.

Not centered in 'needing' the love of him... or another him...

Centered... and realizing that I'm not so beautiful...

I'm really just a ball of mess.

Monday, October 22, 2009 -- Trouble

Trouble -

by Coldplay (from the 2000 album Parachutes)

Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no whats this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things Ive done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

Oh no I see,
A spider web and its me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 -- Change

Have you ever noticed how fast time flies? How one minute it's bright and cheery outside, the kiddos are running in the street, basking in the sun, and playing tag. The next minute it's cold, getting dark earlier by the day, and you can no longer here the children's play?

I wonder if that's how God feels about us when we he presents us with a challenge, that at the time seems too much to handle. He watches our face go somber and our bodies slump with what seems like 'the overwhelming.'

He asks us to trust Him, knowing that He truly has our best interest at heart. He asks us to 'lean not on your own understanding,' but what do we do? We try to understand the why, the how, and the when. He asks us to 'be still and know that I am God.' But we can't sit still for one moment. We can't follow through with that one request.

I'm challenging myself today.

Challenging myself to embrace the change.

Leave the fighting to God.

I will walk in peace and security, knowing that 'as I was with Moses, so will I be with you. I will never leave you, nor forsake you.'

Tuesday - October 13th 2007 -- It's Getting Late

Again, it's late... so who cares... time to put it on blast.

Drive. Stop. Knock. Door opens.

Nose wrinkles, smells betrayal.

Step up, step up - the stairs we climb.

At the top. Things appear normal.

At the top. You notice the dust

and the spot of what was... a picture.

Switch rooms.

Room needs broom (and mop).

Necklace. Face wash. Third Towel.

Evidence.

No jury is hung.

No verdict to pass.

No deliberations.

Just truth -

as it reveals itself before your very eyes.

Turn quickly. Walk quickly. Gather your things.

Gather your memories.

Gather your heart.

Gather your self.

Leave. Get Out. Don't look back...

It's over... here.

Tuesday - December 18, 2007 -- Ministry & More

Ministry is a calling, right?

Many people say they hear the voice of God and they follow. It took me a while to listen, but I know I heard the voice quite some time ago and I finally followed this year. With ministry come sacrifice and honestly, you don't go into ministry with the idea that you'll get stars by your name or jewels in your crown. You just do what you're supposed to do.

I had several fears when going into ministry: 1) I wouldn't be good enough. 2.) Ministry is lonely. 3.) I wouldn't make it. I put those fears aside in March and dove head/heart first into what I believed was right for Sharby. Now as the year closes, I'm starting to think I bit off more than I could chew.

It's 7:21am and I don't want to go to work... again. I'm back in the classroom, granted it's a Christian school, but the kids are (in my lowly opinion) worse than my public school kids as far as respect, home training, and drive goes. I left the school so I could leave the classroom... I had to get out before I lost my mind. It's 7:21am and I'm also thinking that I'll work from 8:15am - 7:00pm and come home to an empty apartment, watch a little TV, do my daily devotional, and call it a night... asleep by 10pm (because if not, I'll have an even worse attitude than I have usually). Not so fun... very lonely...

I'm thinking that I'm not going to make it. I am called to music ministry, but I am not growing in my musical skills, talents, or the like at all. It's no one's fault. I take the blame. I'm a people pleaser. I should have said, "No, I can't help get the school on track, because I don't think it will be healthy for me to spend 11 hours a day with children that are not my own." So, here it is, December and I'm thinking that I'm right back to where I was a year ago... 1.) Hating teaching. 2.) Wanting to do more with music. 3.) Not wanting to wake up and go to work... 4.) Asking myself, "How the hell did you get here... again!!!"

This boy, who's opinion doesn't count at all (but is obviously noteworthy for this blog), stated that I'm right back where I was a year ago because basically (in a nutshell) I think the world revolves around me... Hmmm...

I've thought about that alot over the last week and it's not true. I'm not going to waste time defending my belief that it's not true, but I do offer this rebuttle... If it was all about me, I would've been dead a long time ago. Trust me.

I'm thinking about sacrifice at this point. Am I supposed to sacrifice music for education (something I have experience and knowledge in but NO HEART FOR), or did I just allow the people pleasing to over-ride my better judgment? Am I supposed to fight my unhappiness (aka flesh) for how ever long until I'm released? Or do I have that sit down and say, "I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm sure you knew before you hired me and I tried to prove you wrong, but this is not for me. I hate being the only single staff member. I hate that I haven't been involved in the music department in months. I hate that I don't want to get up in the morning and come to work. And I hate feeling like sometimes people think I don't do enough. So, I have to go. Where, I don't know. But I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to try. For believing in me. For giving me a chance. And once again, I'm sorry. I'm imperfect and I can't pretend anymore."

So, I'm getting up... washing my butt... fighting the traffic to get to work... to wonder all day, if I'm really supposed to be doing this...

Tuesday - January 15, 2008 -- Kaputz

So, it's been a while... Lots has happened. Lots hasn't happened.

My computer finally went k-a-p-u-t-z right after Christmas, so I haven't had a chance to write much. This will serve as my quick catch up for those of you who have been hounding me for an entry.

Boxes are in place. Resignation has been delivered. I'm leaving... on that midnight train to... well, destination TBA. We all know my desire to live in NYC for a year. That may come true sooner than I think, but we'll see.

I've been reprimanded for calling men, boys... so - to catch you up on that note. That 'man' is dating other chicks. So, that's a wrap. Yes, I'm bitter. Moving on...

Had mixed emotions about the resignation. Had mixed emotions about the move. Have had mixed emotions about life in general. Not sure what the future holds.

Can't really talk about leaving right now. It's not time.

To be so young, there are days I look back and feel like I've accomplished alot. There are many other days that I look back and say, "What the heck happened here?!" I've heard that the 30's are the 'place to be,' and that the 40's are 'on it!' God has blessed me to see 28 years thus far, He can't be through with me yet, can He?

Started writing again... of course my novels never get finished, because I write myself out of the 'process' that I'm in. It's therapeutic. The main character is always me, and the subject is always whatever I'm going through at the moment... usually some crap with some boy. Excuse me --- man. Or some family drama. Or some work drama. Or some drama I'm helping a friend through. Reading helps my novelas unfold.

As I've said before I'm reading this book (and yes, I should be finished), but it's really been tough to read with my schedule being as hectic as it has been. Anyhow, finally the meaty part of the book shares with me everything I should know/remember about who I am. I'm a princess, and if he can't recognizereal, then I should not even have any interest in anything he's doing.

Excerpt from a poem called Pursued:

Whoever he is,

Wherever he is,

He'll pursue me.

Whenever he comes,

However he comes,

I hope that I'm ready.

He'll come with flowers,

and genuine, unsolicited attention.

He'll not get on my nerves (so much),

and they'll never be silence of the awkward kind.

He'll pursue my heart.

He'll pursue my love.

He'll pursue the flaws and unfinished parts of my soul.

Well, it's time for me to go away. I'll share more next time.