First off, this is a not a feel sorry for me blog. This is a midnight post, with midnight feelings. Take it or leave it. It's not here for you to judge.
Since I changed my new profile pic, I've learned alot. You guys (and gals) think it's 'cute,' 'so pretty,' 'beautiful,' 'gorgeous,' and last but not least, 'd**m you're hot!'
But he doesn't. He doesn't even notice me.
I'm just Sharby... and I feel basically the same way. I'm just me. But...
Isn't it nice when someone thinks you're amazing or loves the sound of your voice? Isn't it nice when they can't wait to see you or spend time with you? Isn't it nice when you can be in the same room, doing your own thing, and not have to question if everything is 'cool?' And last but not least, isn't it nice when someone can juggle all the balls that life throws them and still find time to make you feel special?
I don't believe in fairy tale romances, and I'm still standing firm that I don't want that. But I do want him to notice me... the same way he notices the notes, measures, and clefs. I don't want him to have to choose between toodling and me. That's not fair... to either.
There's a book out there called Captivating. I read it once, long ago. It talks about how women long to have their questions answered. The author shares that 'women desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are.' (from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul).
Just in February, I sat before a room full of young women and men and shared that 'singleness' is wonderful. That I wouldn't change where I am for anything, because I love my quiet time and my peace and my space. But now, it's not true. I want to be with him... I don't want things to end. I want... I want... that stupid eternal love --- that stupid, stupid fairy tail crap. With him...
but...
he's...
busy.
I'm reading a new book for my young ladies' bible study. A Jewel in His Crown, by Priscilla Shiver. I hope that it can help bring me back to where I need to be... centered in God.
Not centered in 'needing' the love of him... or another him...
Centered... and realizing that I'm not so beautiful...
I'm really just a ball of mess.
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