The plan was not to be involved in this grant writing that's going on at my job. The plan was to work on Benchmark stuff, visit classrooms, and connect with teachers. Heck, it's the end of the semester --- I can at least afford to make eye to eye contact with my teachers and student's, eh? NOT. So, I'm unselfishly working on a grant with my colleagues. (I actually enjoy them, it just came at a not so cool time.) I have a plan in my head today --- I'm leaving work, going home and feed the horses, shower, nap, wake up to work on the grant around 12:30, talk to Dejuan, write, edit, etc. nap til 7:00 -- wake up and go to work! And yet -- it's 10:15pm, I'm awake, blogging, and haven't accomplished anything. YET, I did help my family move a refrigerator, clean portions of the kitchen floor, restock portions of the pantry, restock the newly moved deep freezer -- in the friggin freezing -- and such. But I'm lazy, and trifling, and selfish, and inconsiderate...
I wish I could pinpoint a day it started -- the name calling -- the labeling. I just remember thinking as a kid, a young kid too, "Your mother is not always your ally." Now how the hell I knew what an ally was at age 6, I don't know, LOL, but hey --- I was always reading something! My grandmother would tell me to NOT be lazy and trifling, but I don't necessarily remember her calling me those names. I'm not saying she didn't because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... Eitherway, somehow my mother 'took a liking' to calling me these names -- so much that I do believe I should change my first name because friggin 25 years later -- she calls me something other than the name she gave me quite regularly.
I remember in HS hating to come home sometimes. Why on earth would I not want to come home?? Well, because there was always something to do AND you could guarantee I was going to be put on 'probation' for something like not washing the dishes or mumbling under my breath. (You'd think I'd gotten an MIP or had come home pregnant or that I wasn't already enrolled in college classes at age 12 and working at Bealls and maintaining my GPA.) I enjoy lounging, reading a book and having some tunes flowing in the background. Heck, back then, I even enjoyed talking on the phone. I enjoy hiding out in my room and not being bothered. I mean, I like people, but I also like some peace! Maybe I have a hint of 'OCS' -- Only Child Syndrome. And here, I chose to move back home, and I still have these reoccurring issues of, "Crap! She's home! I better make sure I'm doing something... I don't want to be called Lazy today!" WTFrigginCow? Are you serious??
Wooo Saaaaah....
I'm 30. I live at home by choice. Today, I've decided I have to be out by December 20th or I will self-destruct. Period. I'm making a list of the things that absolutely have to be finished before I move into Granny's house. I will finish them in 2 weeks. This much is true. Even if I have to pimp myself out in some way. I may be tired as hell when I finish, but I will be sleeping in my own house, in my own room --- with no one to call me their rude-ass names.
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